Your eyes met mine like the sun meets the horizon, subtle warm and captivating.. time seemed to slow.
Forgetting I was in a room full of people because you had this smile that was our secret, you only shared it with me
I took your breath away but your lungs not noticing they hadn’t been going to the rhythm of inhale and exhale for I was now your oxygen
You were a smooth singing Memphis boy who had veins consisting of Music notes that flowed with your Jamaican blood and ran through to your guitar tapping hands to strum sweet melodies.
Causing a Kaleidoscope of culture when your heart pieced together with the quiet soul of this Midwest girl who like a rose, was down to earth, never expecting for my sun to be a part of your horizon.
weathering the storms of distance our relationship was like a pair of old chucks.
Each tear and spot telling a story but still holding up and reliable as ever.
You fell hard for me like a four year old without training wheels,
but I was afraid to take my training wheels off.
Afraid to fall because the scrapes and bruises that come with every fall overwhelmed my thoughts, so instead I put on knee pads, a helmet and mouth guard.
It would take a lot for me to take the careless leap of love into complete vulnerability.
But you, the smooth singing Memphis did it, like a thick steel box fronted with a combination I knew with you my heart would be safe..you had gained my trust,
And you did guard my heart, continuing to pen words into our storybook romance.
It was like those CB lyrics were written for us, “I ain't saying that we trying to be grown, I'm just saying that we old enough to know, we got that young love.”
That young love changed like the seasons... our anxious hands would take turns keeping captive the boarding passes that for a short time would be our escape from reality to enter our story book romance.
But then it would end with an "until next time" and whoever’s hands had held the boarding pass captive this time would sit with their vision blurred as salt water waterfalls brimming over the dams caused by their eyelids and they had no appetite for any complimentary pretzels for they were journeying back to reality.
Wedding bells started to sneak up in conversation and softly ring thoughts of future in our ears.
Until the bells began to be drown out... and our storybook seemed to slow down.
Was reality trying to rewrite the music notes of the songs you sang to me? And my schedule erasing the time meant for you?
No it could not be, my heart was in the safe... the only safe I had ever let someone else have the combination too.
But our romance from that of a story book never finished... The black splotches and scribbles, tears and tears are still on the last few pages of the unfinished book, being covered with dust in a safe that is broken.
Smooth singing boy, who once fell hard without your training wheels, you turned your bike around and I began to feel the scrapes and bruises of the fall I was so afraid to take.
The love that had others jealous had ended... on a day that this little rose would typically be celebrating..
I’d planned to blow out the candles with my wish for their storybook to become reality
But that was unexpectedly replaced with the tears I held in as they played hide and go seek with the truth
Tears that were once streams of hope and a someday are now flowing of brokenness and confusion.
The smiles and birthday wishes were like a dream as I continued on like a zombie... I wanted to curl up and go into hibernation from the reality that I could once escape with you.
But I could not escape, you took away my escape like an alarm clock interrupts your favorite dream ... I could only face reality with a broken safe and desert of emotions.. dry because they had all been spent.
The soft chime of bells were now a numb droning ring.
You see I was very careful with trusting someone with my heart... like a package you use extra tape on, it was not easy to open.
Innocence, not to be mistaken with ignorance, was my gem,..
I just had hope like a child that love can still be how it is meant to be.
My gem is still there, although with a broken safe it has been scuffed with a little carelessness and tainted with a little longing, hoping to find another and start and new chapter.
I have not found them yet, and maybe I get confused sometimes because I see everyone through a lens of hope
The boy from Memphis had gained my trust and got the combination... but now that combination is combined with chains and more than one lock.
Although cliché, yes time has healed
My desert of emotions is now a rainforest, and my safe has been fixed although its difficult to unlock.
I have always seen hope and potential in others, probably to a fault, so optimistic even for the grimiest people.
However, when it comes to myself I am much more protective and hesitant, I sometimes wear the knee pads, mouth guard, and helmet afraid to fall again but am realizing that each scar tells a story, reminding us where we’ve been and the lessons we’ve learned.
I may be hesitant... but I am just waiting, with an understanding that yes I might get hurt, but life is beautiful and what is beauty without pain.
My trust issues, although stubborn, will fade … I just need someone who will take me by the hand, look me in the eyes and let me know it’s real and they’re not leaving
Real to where it’s not an escape but a constant.
Your music notes still flow past me from time to
time, and I am proud to see that you've kept riding your bike towards your
dreams.
However, rather than a whole story you are now a
mere chapter in my book as I wait for my sun to set on someone else’s horizon.
