Forgotten Wings

She forgot she had angel wings folded behind her back

They've been collecting dust since the day she was told she couldn't fly..

And she believed them.

27 looks different than I'd imagined..

On my 25th birthday I wrote "25 things I learned by the age of 25", but I can’t say the years since have been easier with all of the “wise things” I’d learned by 25 haha. In fact, they've probably challenged me even more. With that said, now turning 27, I decided to add to the list because.. 27 looks different than I’d imagined ;)
(What I wrote 2 years ago will be underneath the newly added btw)

26. I ’ve learned I’m very critical of myself, but oddly also very forgiving. I'm the most confident I’ve ever been & yet at times the most insecure. 

27. I still get deep feelings of loneliness.. And there are moments where I know someone may be wrong for me, I know it won’t last but I’m ok with it.. just for the sake of feeling wanted. Because the older I get, some of the decisions I made when I was younger about the woman I want to be are getting harder to hold onto. They are important enough though, that I still try to fight to somehow hold onto them. I want my younger self to be proud & I don’t won’t to let my future self down...

Even though it's only been 2 years, they've been packed, vibrant, challenging and encouraging. I see that this life is my responsibility. I have to take ownership of all of my choices,  the good and the bad. I can’t truly complain about things if I’ve made the decisions to get me to that point, but I can't forget to be proud of the choices I make either.

And if I'm honest about the past year or two, I’ve made mistakes and had the “screw it” mentality more than I’d like to admit. I’ve failed myself at times, compromising who I want to be to better fit with others. Which sadly, in my opinion, is easier to do as you get older. When I was younger, I never really cared. I’d set goals and understood what I would need to do to reach them, & then I’d do it. As an adult, it’s easy to just go with the flow rather than be slightly uncomfortable doing things a little different than people around you.

Sometimes people wonder why I care so much for others, or maybe why I'd go so far out of my way to do something when most of them won't do it back. That's just it, it's almost abormal to show you care for each other and remind each other that people do good things. That's really the only reason, to remind the people around me that hope & being genuine still exist.. that there's such a thing as authenticity still. Which I think is why I'm critical of myself, and have deep convictions when I feel I haven't been authentic to who I am.

However, with all of this said, I've come to understand there’s something beautiful about following the dreams and passions you decide to pursue no matter your age. I’ve learned I’m not afraid to take chances and opportunities that others might not have been willing to.

That 25, 26, 27 look different for everyone. For some it’s married with kids, others it’s grad school, some are working 40-50 hour weeks, others achieve athletic phenomenon’s & some are traveling the world with nothing more than a backpack..

So whether you’re teaching and coaching, sweating & toiling, creating and solving, crunching numbers or cleaning up crunched cheerios.. we’re all living beautifully different lives that somehow bring us together in different ways. There’s no right or wrong thing to be doing at a specific age. Well.. besides doing your taxes, paying for your own insurance and all those fun things haha

Life’s just like one big train ride, and when I look forward I don’t see much, just what’s slightly ahead. No destinations in sight, which is a lesson in itself.. Don't get caught staring out the windows waiting for the destination. Enjoy the ride with the people around you until I get there. That’s the best part. As long as you're still on the train, it's still moving forward & you're headed in the right direction, enjoy your journey.

I've written before, that every person you encounter in life leaves a finger print on your heart. Acquaintances, co-workers, family, friends, lovers.. Some are faint, but some leave deep imprints. Not determined by length of relationship, but force of impact. So, whether you were with me for just one stop just or you’re still traveling with me.. Filling the train with days of laughter, mornings of grogginess, some days a little more quiet than others, some flat out exciting & then the days we run into unexpected detours.. thank you for being a part of this crazy journey so far, for inspiring me & making it all worth it! <3

(The first 25 things that I wrote 2 years ago)

1.   I’ve learned that after the age of 21 all of the years blend together, and life really does go as fast as your parents used to tell you it would

    2.       I’ve learned that no matter what age I am I think I will always be bad at approaching and talking to the person I find attractive

3.       That time and the value of relationships are worth so much more than money and possessions

   4.       Falling in love isn't as easy as you thought it would be, and being heartbroken can be one of the most painful experiences. But I’ve learned that because of knowing that pain, I’ve found breaking up with someone much harder than being broken up with. I'd rather not cause anyone that same pain.

   5.       Emotions aren't a bad thing, and as you get older I think there are two people..Those who choose to ignore their emotions and live a colorless life, and those who feel the world at a much deeper level 

   6.       At some point everyone needs to move out on an adventure of their own where they don’t have the comfort of home and loved ones, because that’s where you truly grow and find out who you are. You should always take opportunities that will take you out of your comfort zone

   7.      I’ve learned that once an introvert always an introvert, I’ve come a long ways and am now only an undercover introvert :P

   8.       I’ve learned that my view of love, marriage and relationships is totally different than a lot of others, but I’m so thankful for the mentors and parents I had who taught me what a genuine relationship and true love can really look like.

   9.       And I never expected to be single at 25 ..sometimes it sucks. I may cry and get lonely, but at the same time I’ve learned to love who I am and I have become so much more self-confident. I don’t regret any of the choices I’ve made to get me here and I know eventually it will all work out.

   10.   I learned that in life much of what you once thought to be black and white is really grey, and that you have to define what you believe those things to be on your own. For instance, success.  I’ve learned that many people have varying opinions of what they consider to be successful. I think the key difference of those opinions is whether your founding your definition on materialistic self-gain or not.

11. I've learned I wish I knew more about politics, cars, technology and that I could speak another language fluently

   12.   Worrying is a pointless waste of energy because it cannot change whatever it is you are worrying about.

   13.   You should never go a day without smiling and laughter, and more importantly you should never go a day without making someone else smile and laugh.

   14.   I’ve learned positive thinking really can change your outlook on life, but it takes conscious effort.

   15.   That religion is a weird thing with a lot of controversy, but that a relationship with God and my faith in Him is what I’ve learned to value. It has truly been the one thing of my foundation that has always been consistent and reliable in every aspect.

   16.   Enjoy life. You cannot take it too seriously, and as adults there is something to be learned from how children live. Which is why one of my mottos is, lose the ignorance not innocence of life.

   17.    You realize the things you took advantage of when you were younger and try not to take for granted now. Simple things like sleep, hot showers, quality time and not having to be constrained by time and money. 

   18.   We forget about the small things and are constantly looking at the big picture, but the small things are what make the big picture and each day worth it.

   19.   I’ve learned, and am still working on, technology vs. quality time with people and being present in the moment.

   20.   That hugs are a necessity

   21.   There is something sooo refreshing, and cleansing about working out, not just for your body but for you mind .. and that music is life’s pulse.

   22.   Food is awesome, and that’s all that needs to be said about that

   23.   Although I love my immediate family to death, I have learned that family doesn’t always mean by blood, and that is the beauty of it. So always say I love you to those you do, and let the people you care about know that you care.. But don’t say I love you in a romantic relationship if you don’t.

   24.   I’ve learned that one of the worst things in humanity is the instinct people have to judge, compare and misunderstand. But I’ve also learned that we also have a conscious to overcome that.  

   25.   I’ve learned that I always see people as more good than bad, and have always lived a life full of hope. With that has come a lot of disappointment and conflict, but I don’t think I would change how I view life because with it has also come an incomparable amount of joy.

I could probably write a novel of the things I’ve learned, but I don’t want to write a novel haha And turning 25 might feel like a quarter life crisis :p  Just like everyone I have moments I'm not proud of , but it's been a good journey so far. I can honestly say I never would have thought this life could be so full, and I’m proud to look back at all of the people I have met, adventures I’ve taken, and lessons I’ve learned.
I'll leave you with these last thoughts..
- K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid)
- Always remember to turn the oven off
-Sometimes all you need is a glass of milk and spoon full of peanut butter
- Genuinely listen to people & look people in the eyes
- Tequila is never a good idea
- The scars you get on your journey are a part of your life's scrapbook
- Dance.. just dance haha
- If you lock your keys in the car there's always a way
- And finally be adventurous.. the only limits you have are the one's you place on yourself

THANKFUL

I’M THANKFUL BECAUSE…

I'm thankful because when I hit snooze & rub my tired eyes, I’ve still woken up to live another day

The calloused, uneven, chipped nails remind me of the work I’ve put in & the opportunities to do so

I shouldn’t get annoyed with the dishes to clean and the laundry to fold because it means I have food to eat and clothes to wear.

I’m thankful for the lack of sleep and long hours because it means I have a job

I’m thankful for passion, because without it there is no spark that ignites the fire. The fire that burns behind the career I have passion for, the relationships I’m passionate about & the flame behind the life I’ve found passion to live out.

I’m thankful for the crowded house, diapers & toys because it means that no matter the seasons of life, my family is there for each other & I am loved. For the random nights I was able to watch Free Birds for the millionth time with my nephew & brother, or share the kitchen with my sister in law & baby niece before running out the door to work. I'm thankful I've been able to hear a few more dad jokes and see a few more eye rolls from my mom.

I'm thankful for friendship. Those I don't see much & those I am able to see often. My intentions are to stay in touch with everyone, but I've come to find how difficult that can be. Even with the best intentions I fall short everyday, so I'm thankful for the friends who have seen the best and worst of me. The ones I've experienced life with, whether in the past or present. I cherish relationships, they are one of the most valuable things to me.  

I’m thankful for the prayers I pray & the Bible I own. I’m thankful for my relationship & faith in God. That I have something I believe so strongly in, but even more so, for fact that I’m able to choose what I believe.

I’m thankful for the ability to travel, immerse myself in different cultures and grow as a human. One of the most humbling and beautiful experiences anyone can take is to go out of your comfort zone and travel to an unfamiliar place.

I’m thankful for the tears that have rolled down these cheeks. The emotions that come with them aren’t exactly enjoyable, but I’m thankful to cry because it means I’m not numb. I’m living, experiencing, loving, hurting, empathizing, failing and growing… a lot.

I’m thankful for laughter, oh am I thankful for laughter. The moments that hurt my cheeks and satisfy my soul. It's like the blanket of life, because with laughter comes warmth & comfort.

I’m thankful, thankful for the small & big things in life. Whether the warm cup of coffee in the morning or the car that gets me to work. I hope to be reminded of these things more often than not, and especially hope to stay grateful more than one day a year. 

AUTHENTICITY

Original. Authentic. The one and only.

There’s a reason it’s used as a marketing scheme.

We all crave authenticity.

It's why getting lost in the beauty of nature and having genuine conversations are cherished.

We all crave those things that allow us to breathe.
Most of the time we don’t even realize we're holding our breath.

True to oneself.
No extra ingredients or artificial personalities.
The pure form of who you are, authentic.

That’s all it is, what everyone craves.. and yet ironically we the chase the complete opposite.

Filtered facades, and material cover ups.

Defined by what we’re supposed to look like, who we’re supposed to stand by and what’s “picture perfect”

Simple, Honest, Untainted and Imperfect.

It could be the easiest thing to come by, but it’s the hardest thing to find.

Authenticity, we all crave it, but the only way we’ll find it is if we stop waiting for someone else to be authentic first.

Start here, start with yourself.

BE AUTHENTIC

Then at least you'll know where it can be found.

From Aunt Mandy

Gabriel, Gracesyn & Lilly.

Lose the ignorance, not innocence of life.

A personal motto I pass to you because as you grow, you’ll see there’s always forks in the road that meet you with every decision.

You’ll fall, experience heartbreak, fail and learn what pain is.

We all have, and every time you get up you meet one of these forks.

Which way will you go, and how will you let experiences mold you?

The world will try to steal your innocence each time, and as you grow older, the harder it is to hold onto.

You’ll realize it’s not all sunshine and roses, but stand tall and understand that’s why I see every decision as a fork in the road. It’s up to you.

Be kind, be positive, be strong and hold onto the fact that this world can be good.

You’re created with a purpose, and although life is a mess, it’s a beautiful one.

Don’t get stuck in a bubble of comfort, dive head first into adventure and the unknown.

Then you’ll see the meaning of this motto.

You’ll lose ignorance and still hold onto a precious sense innocence that many tend to lose with age, all just in how you perceive and react to things.

Have a full life of experience, gain knowledge, go on grand adventures, learn from everyone, take opportunities, be strong in what you believe, but be humble and stay grounded.

And don’t worry you won’t be out there alone, you’ll always have a pretty good group watching your back.

So don't forget, lose the ignorance, not innocence of life

It’s your world young ones, stay mighty. 

<3

WHAT'S YOUR BRAND

You are your own brand.

That brand is who you are and who you are striving to become.

All of your actions, words and influence are what others will take as a representation of that brand.

That is the difficult part.

You are in control of whether people endorse you and how you carry your brand, or whether they don’t.

Talent alone cannot do this for a brand.

Your language, poise, respect, character, leadership, empathy, passion, composure, consistency, knowledge, reliability, and uniqueness does... the list is continual.

So make sure you know who you are and who you’re striving to be.

Then carry that out clearly.

How do your daily actions represent you as your own brand?

Find positive synergy with other people that endorse and encourage you as a person, and vice versa.

Don’t just go through the motions, only you can represent the brand you carry. That brand is YOU

I want to be your never's

I want to be your "nevers"

Your, "I'll never start dating until I have my life figured out"

or Your.. "I'm never getting married.."

The, "I'm never going to fall in love again" sob story you tell your unbelieving friends

I want to be the, "I'll never drink this, or taste that".. the "I'll never live there or drive that"

Because when I become your "nevers" you'll be saying, "I'm never letting you go, I'll never stop loving you."

And I'll be saying it back.